Love

I've been hesitant to write the few weeks (months) because I'm not exactly sure what to write about.  I think 3 words sum it up.  Relationships are complicated.

After years of dating and being serious with a few guys, it's a total game changer when you're actually with someone who truly makes you think, "Is this my forever person?"

Now, nothing is forever so really that question is just stupid.  But you get the idea.

Can I live with this person?  Can I raise children with this person?  Can we compromise on issues that we strongly feel different about?  Is love enough?

Well, I think it's safe to say the answer to that last question is a resounding "no."  Now that every single fairytale just blew up in your face, go ahead and wash that glittery fuckdust off.  All you need is love?  I beg to differ. 

It's unfortunate.  I wholeheartedly wish love was enough.  But, love ultimately doesn't make a square peg fit into a round hole.  

A saw does that.

So this is where I am.  I am in love.  I want everything with him.

Will it happen?  I don't know.  We're asking each other the big questions that aren't simply answered.  

Sure, in time, we'll figure it out, one way or the other.  God I wish I was patient.

"It should be easy."  Shut. The. Fuck. Up.  Seriously.  Think of all of your greatest accomplishments.  Were they easy?

If they were, they probably aren't that great.

I'm not saying it should be forced, but seriously, if it's too easy, it's going to be boring.

There is no black and white, especially when the connection and emotions between two people are incredibly intense.

No relationship is perfect because no individual is perfect.  Both parties will get hurt.  It's about taking the chance and having faith that the good will far outweigh the bad.

Of course, that faith could totally fuck you. 

Next thing you know, you're at a "Welcome Back to the Dating World" party where you want to eat the whole tray of cupcakes because the thought of starting all over is entirely too depressing.

Sigh.  I'm really not looking forward to that.  But if there is a party, make sure the cupcakes are chocolate with cream cheese icing.  

Thanks.

As I get older, I find I have to fight harder for the things I want.  It's no longer about cds and new clothes for school.  It's about the career and the amazing guy that I can proudly stand next to.

I think I've found the guy, but that doesn't mean I'll win the fight.